Some days, I am just plain lazy. In many ways I have been lazy about this blog. I was going great in February and March, but the last six weeks I have been doing other things. There have been times that I was inspired to write, that I wanted to, but I didn’t. I guess that either means that I didn’t really want to or that I just have better things to do. Both are probably true. I just hope that laziness over sharing my thoughts over this blog don’t reflect anything greater than that. I am eager to spend a day or two hear and there doing nothing but reading, driving, maybe enjoying a friend’s company. Lazy days. More aptly, they are my days of rest. My Sabbath. But that is a whole different thing than lack of effort for something like this when I do indeed have plenty of time.Thank God it’s this blog that has been neglected over my ministry, family, or job search. May I continue to neglect the least important things in favor of those that God has directly given me for his glory.
Busyness is something that I too familiar with. I was a busy kid in high school. I was a busy college student, to the point that I overwhelmed myself more than once. I am still busy, but it is a different busyness. I have fewer things in my life that are more time consuming and they don’t wear on me like my schedule did in college. I see busyness every day. I work at a busy church, with busy staff, busy congregation, a busy building, and my job is to minister to busy busy busy teenagers. They seem more busy than I ever was at there age. That may entirely be an illusion, but it is my perception. The single greatest source of my stress when it comes to busyness right now, however is my job search. Transition is hard. Figuring out how to balance my current ministry and continuing to minister well, to serve well, to invest well, to listen well, all the while I am looking for the next ministry and the next set of kids I will do all these things with is harder than anything else I have done professionally. Busyness for me right now is tied to the almost fifty applications I have filled out, the ten-ish interviews I have done (with multiple interviews with some churches). It is hard like nothing else I have done.
Holiness is the slow progression of becoming more and more like Christ is our desires, thoughts, intentions, and actions. Christ, in his holiness, would have the right balance between the laziness and rest, between busyness and overcommitment, between ministry now and searching for that which is to come. I am screwing it up. Not in big ways, in fact, I would say that I am doing a decent job of this balance as far as my own abilities and human perspective are concerned. But those are not my standard of measure. I am striving to be like Christ and to figure out what all Christ would have me do in order for my character to be ever more conformed to his. It is hard. And I am screwing it up good. It is messy, as the late Mike Yaconelli would say. It is part of my spirituality, my pursuit of the one who is pursuing me first.
Maybe all this is morbid, narcissistic ramblings, but there is a peace about setting thoughts and feelings down in written word. There is something comforting about writing and so I return and will try to balance this with the other things in my life, realizing its relative unimportance. May it never become greater than its actual importance.